Backfire

By daedreams

Chapter 1 - Plan A

As plans go, it was, admittedly, pretty weak. He was going to follow the boy home, catch him, scare him, and kill him. Alright, so that doesn’t technically constitute a plan. That’s what he did every night. Only this time it was a specific boy. And he had a specific reason to kill this specific boy. Well…it was as good a reason as any, really. This boy knew the Slayer. What a fitting message to send to the little bint. A little something that said, “You think you can stop me by having your mum crack my skull with an axe?” No, sir, a little skull cracking doesn’t slow me down one little bit. Plus this tasty morsel he was following was offered to him by Angelus himself. Spike was simply accepting the invitation.

The boy was being cautious. Carrying a small stake discreetly by his side, he was walking quickly and inspecting the shadows as he passed. Even so, Spike had been able to follow him all the way from the school without any trouble. It’s not like this child had any heightened scenes or acute awareness skills. He was just one of the few that knew what went bump in the night. And Spike could work around that.

It really didn’t take a lot of stealth or cleverness. Spike simply followed him up his sidewalk, onto the front porch and stepped up behind him as he was unlocking the front door. Everybody always made this mistake. They somehow figured that once they were on their own property or on their own front porch that they were safe. They let their guard down. Started concentrating on finding the right key on the key ring. This boy was no different.

He slid his key into the lock. Spike tapped him on the shoulder. The boy turned around. And Spike punched him in the jaw, causing his head to slam back and hit the door. He collapsed in a semi-unconscious state.

The vampire took the stake out of his hand and threw it into the bushes. He grabbed the boy by the wrist and dragged him off the front porch to the side of the house. In this low rent neighborhood, the space between the houses was narrow, dirty and dark.

He held the boy against his own house by the upper arms. The boy’s head was rolling back and forth on his shoulders, his brain still trying to process what had happened in the past twenty seconds.

Spike did his best to be patient. Shortly, the boy’s eyes began to focus, and his muscles tensed slightly before going into a complete spasm when the gravity of the situation finally became clear.

“Holy fuck,” was about all the boy could muster when he saw Spike’s face just inches away from his own.

“Interesting choice of words,” the vampire smirked back at him.

The boy’s eyes got wide and he opened his mouth to scream, “Buf-!” But the air suddenly left his lungs when Spike slammed him hard against the brick wall.

When he had caught his breath again, Spike made sure he was looking into his eyes when he said, “Your little Buffy is no where near here. You shout like that again and I’ll snap the neck of the first person who peaks their head around this corner. Are we clear?” The boy blinked. Spike slammed his back against the house again. He gasped. Spike asked again, “We clear?”

The boy nodded frantically. His breathing was fast and heavy and his eyes started darting around, no doubt looking for something heavy or a sharp pointy weapon of some kind. He began to squirm against the wall. He brought his hands up and grasped Spike at the elbows and tried to push.

Spike started to get curious. The boy obviously knew he was going to die. It was more than most of his victims knew. Most would just smell of fear and uncertainty. But this boy knew. Knew what vampires were. Knew that Spike was a vampire. And knew that Spike meant death. And yet, he was still trying to find something that would save his own life. It made him grin. Spike decided to play.

He let go of him quickly and took a step back. It took a moment for the boy to realize what had just happened. Then he turned and ran. The vampire was sure that he was running as fast as his little legs could carry him, but it only took Spike less than a moment to get in front of him. The boy slammed into him as Spike reached out and clasped cool fingers around his neck. He pulled the boy further into him and whispered, “Going somewhere?“ before tossing the child backwards several feet into the side yard.

~~~~~

It was like Xander’s brain was on a ten-second time-delay. Instinct was telling him he was in trouble, but he couldn’t get his mind and body to cooperate. The wind was knocked out of him again when he landed on his back in a clump of dirt. Ow, was about all his brain could come up with before Spike was on top him, grabbing his upper arms, lifting him and slamming him against the house again. Then his brain told his legs to run. Stupid brain.

Okay, Xan, he thought, here you are again. Did he just give me a chance to get away? Now, why would he do that? Oh, because you can’t get away. Evil vampire is having a little fun, isn’t he? Xander stopped struggling. He caught his frantic breath. He looked squarely into the vampire’s eyes and thought for the second time in as many minutes, I’m gonna die.

I’m gonna die right here next to my own house. It seems a bit anti-climatic. Spike was leaning forward and pressing his chest against Xander’s. The vampire dipped his head under Xander’s chin and he felt a cold nose rub lightly along his neck. He shivered.

Spike lifted his head and looked into his eyes again. Xander couldn’t blink. The blue eyes staring back into his were mesmerizing. They twinkled with a smile behind them and Xander felt nothing but anger toward this creature in front of him. Then the fear was back as those blue eyes were morphed into a gold that held nothing behind them but pain and death. Xander glanced down to the vampire’s mouth which hung open slightly to reveal the teeth that he had prayed nightly he would never ever see this close.

“Please…,” he found himself whimpering. “…don’t.”

Spike cocked his head and pressed his entire body against Xander’s. Every muscle in his body tensed and he could feel his pulse raging. Finally his brain caught up and it was pissed off again. Xander had a flash of his mother’s mood swings and his ridiculous brain decided to think, I’m too young for menopause, before it fired back to anger. His tense muscles twitched and that raging pulse burned hot. Spike suddenly pulled away from him slightly and the demon’s eyes narrowed.

“You gonna kill me, vampire?” Xander surprised himself by saying. “Then just do it. What are you waiting for? You can play around all you want, but this is going to end the same way. Me, dead. You, sated and blood-happy. So what are you waiting for? An engraved invitation? Tell you what, let me go find a pen and paper and I’ll write something up real quick-like. How about: ‘Xander Harris cordially invites one William the Bloody, Spike to his friends, to get on with it all ready and sink his ridiculously sharp and pointy teeth into his neck and drink him til he collapses dead on the ground just a few feet from the comfort of his own bed.’”

Spiked blinked. It actually looked kinda funny over gold eyes.

“Whatsa matter? Not fancy enough? Well, I could use calligraphy, but you’ll have to let me go for a few weeks or months so I can learn it. Then, of course, it will be another six to eight weeks for the actual engraving. I’d have to send out for that. Tell you what, why don’t we meet up here again in, say, six months? The invitation should be ready by then, and maybe even include some pretty embossed flowers or some gold foil-”

Xander was cut off when Spike lunged forward and two fangs pierced his neck. He felt himself go cold and white with panic. But only for a moment, then his blood was pumping again too fast. Finally his brain and body started working together, and he tried everything in his power to get this beast off of him.

But Spike was pressed up against him too hard. And his cold hands had moved down his arms and were gripping his wrists. Xander could feel the vampire’s hard tight muscles push into every part of his own hard tight muscles. He could feel his own rapid pulse beat against the dead body in front of him. He could feel Spike swallow as the short vampire’s neck was resting against his upper chest. The vampire's cold neck was getting warmer as more of Xander's blood was gulped down it.

Xander felt a tear fall down his face, and in his head he said goodbye to Willow. And Buffy. And his mother, and Giles and even Jesse, who he realized he never had a chance to say goodbye to and isn’t that a shame and that’s really been weighing on him for quite some time hasn’t it and he thought about saying goodbye to his father then thought better of it and discovered he didn’t really care all that much that he was never going to see his father again and isn’t this an odd time for self-discovery and hey…why aren’t I dead yet?

Spike’s pull on his blood had slowed down. Now the entire body pushed against him was warm. But Xander could still feel his pulse beating. And upon further reflection, he noticed that the blood in his body seemed to be pumping in two different directions. Up through his neck and into this demon’s increasingly hot body and also down to his groin and filling the very last muscle that he should thinking about right now.

But there it was. All hot and perky. And even more disturbing was the feel of something similar pushing into his hip from the vampire in front of him.

Oh, God help me, am I getting turned on by this? Is he turned on by this? This can’t be right. Then Spike shifted and their cocks were lined up together and the vampire started rubbing and grinding and Xander’s brain decided to stop working entirely.

Xander thrust forward involuntarily and a moan escaped from his throat at the same time that the same noise escaped from Spike’s. The pulling at his neck became even slower and the heat from both their bodies was scorching. Xander was burning on the inside and out. Spike’s grip on Xander’s wrists loosened for just a moment then he squeezed tight and made some sort weird guttural noise and pushed his teeth into Xander even further and harder and Xander came and screamed.

Neither moved. Something fired in Xander’s brain and he twitched. The vampire twitched back and pulled his fangs out of Xander’s neck. Spike was suddenly two steps away from him and Xander slid down the wall and brought his hand up to his neck. He looked up at Spike and saw two sparkling blue eyes piercing down at him. Somehow he found himself still angry.

“You done?” He asked. Spiked nodded. “You aren’t gonna kill me?”

“Not tonight.”

“Why?”

Spike just grinned. “See you again soon, yeah?”

“Oh, you bet. Anxiously awaiting that encounter.” Xander snarked back.

Then Spike was gone and Xander was left sitting in his side yard with blood dripping from his neck through his fingers. He was pissed off, and tired, and weak, and hot, and confused, and…oddly satisfied. Then he panicked.


Chapter 2 - Panic

Angel was sitting entirely too close to Xander. Granted, he was about three feet away, but it felt way too close. They were both reclining on the middle step of the stairs in the library, the set closest to Giles’ office. Xander couldn’t remember who had sat down first, but now he couldn’t concentrate on what Giles was talking about because Angel was sitting way too damn close. Okay, so the concept of concentration has flown out the window this last couple of days, but I’m trying, I really am. Plus, the dead guy kept looking over at him. He could practically feel the cold eyes burrowing into his head. But whenever he would turn to glare back at him, Angel would quickly look back out at the other people in the room.

And…okay, wait, is he even closer to me now? Angel’s shoulder wasn’t touching the railing anymore. He was sitting more in the center of the stairs. Xander had had about enough of this.

He deliberately turned toward Angel and was about to open his mouth to say something when the vampire closed the distance between them and was sitting mere inches away.

“I have to ask you something,” Angel whispered without actually looking at Xander.

On the other side of the rectangular table in the center of the room, Giles had his easel out with some sort of demonic family tree displayed on it and was trying to explain something about something and it was all just so fascinating. Xander could tell by the backs of everyone’s heads that they were just as riveted as he was.

Xander leaned away from Angel as much as he could, “Personal space, Deadboy. Did they not have this concept two hundred years ago? Not looking to make-out with you.”

“This may sound a little strange but…” The vampire trailed off, seemingly searching for words.

Xander was just pissed off and impatient now. He had been twitchy all day, and Angel pulling this weird secretive too-close crap was just making him twitchier. “What?” He hissed out, still trying to stay quiet so no one would turn around and see them sitting this close together.

“When Spike bit you-” (Xander went cold) “-how much blood did he take?”

~~~~~

Xander had stayed in panic mode for quite a while after Spike had disappeared. He had pulled himself up out of the dirt and ran to his door, feeling his pockets frantically before discovering his key was still in the lock, exactly where he had put it just a few minutes (How long? Five minutes? Ten? An hour?) ago.

He scampered inside as quickly as he could, cursing himself for not doing that when he had first put his key in the lock. How, exactly, did I end up by the side of the house, anyway? How did he grab me? How could I be such a moron? Did I let this happen?

He locked himself in the bathroom, turned on the bright overhead light, took his shirt off and inspected the bite mark in the mirror. He saw two distinctive holes in the space where his neck met his right shoulder. They were dark and there was a slight discoloration of his skin around them. That’s going to be a nasty bruise. There was also some blood, but not as much as he expected to see.

Then he noticed the bruising starting to take shape on his upper arms, then on his wrists (it was going to be really bad on his wrists). Dark color was also spreading on his shoulders. He used a small hand mirror to look at his back. He couldn’t see anything different yet, but knew the evidence would show up soon since he could now suddenly start to feel it all over his body. The pain was really starting to come into focus now. He hurt all over. He felt like someone had…well, he felt like a vampire and tossed him around then took a bite out of his neck.

Then he looked himself in the eyes. And he got really scared. All he saw staring back at him was a frightened little boy. He was just a small town comic book geek who had somehow gotten himself mixed up with a super-hero chick and spent his days adding demonology to his school curriculum and nights trying to help battle said demons and most of the time not being very successful. And, ladies and gentlemen, let’s use tonight’s little suck-fest as a slap-in-the-face demonstration of why I…suck.

Xander reached over and hit the light switch, engulfing the room in darkness. He sat down on the toilet seat and stared into the nothing. Perhaps it’s just best if I don’t think about this anymore tonight. But the way his body felt was not going to let him just stop thinking.

He bowed his head and looked at his hands. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he was able to see that they were covered in dirt and grime. Then he felt that dirt and grime creep over his whole body and into his skin, and he never felt so filthy in his entire life.

Without switching on the light, Xander pulled the rest of his clothes off quickly, trying to ignore the drying spunk on the inside of his jeans, and jumped into the shower, turning the tap to as hot as he could stand. With a funky old washcloth and a tiny sliver of soap, he scrubbed every inch of his body hard, including the bruised areas and the bite mark (even though that hurt like hell).

Xander didn’t know how long he stayed in the shower. It only occurred to him to get out when the water started getting cold. He made quick work of drying off, then gathered his clothing, crossed the hall to his bedroom, dumped his clothes in a pile at the end of the bed, and buried himself beneath his covers. He prayed that sleep would overtake him, and before he could say amen, he was asleep.

He slept for two seconds. Or at least it felt like two seconds. When he awoke, it was quarter past eight. He had forgotten to set his alarm and was now late for school.

And the memories of the night before…well, they took less than two seconds to come flooding to the front of his brain. He sat up and his body screamed at him. He had never been this sore.

For several more minutes, Xander sat on his bed. He took slow deep breaths and lightly rubbed the muscles that hurt the most. His bruises were turning pretty (disturbing) colors and his wrists looked like he had smeared them with black paint. He reached into his nightstand, got out the bottle of Advil he kept there, and dry swallowed four pills.

Okay, here goes. He swung his legs over the side of his bed, stood up slowly and planned his strategy for telling the others what had happened as he got ready for his day, choosing a collared shirt with long sleeves as his hide-all-the-evidence-of-the-real-world-from-the-world-in-denial costume.

Perhaps “strategy” wasn’t really the right word. He would just tell them what happened. Spike got him. Slapped him around a bit. Bit him. And let him go. That was really all the happened. Right? Xander didn’t know why Spike had let him go, but that was for Giles to figure out. And the rest of it…no. There was no rest of it. Spike bit him. A long…slow…bite. A long slow bite that curled Xander’s toes. A long slow bite that made his blood surge to very wrong places of his body. A long slow bite that made him…no. The rest of it didn’t really happen. Not really. And the crumpled sticky pair of jeans on the floor at the end of his bed was certainly no evidence to the contrary. Nope.

Xander arrived at school just when the bell dismissed second period. He quickly got lost in the crowd and then managed to keep his brain text-book oriented for the next two classes before meeting the gang in the library at lunch.

By the time he had finished the telling of his dramatic little vampire encounter, and everyone was done with their “Oh, dear Lord” and “Oh, Xander!” and “I’m gonna kill that son-of-a-bitch just a little more than usual,” he finally felt that he could put it behind him. Giles was going to ask Angel if he knew of any reason that Spike wouldn’t have killed him, and Buffy said she would target her patrol to flush out Spike. Willow cried a little, and Xander had to reassure her that he would be extra-specially careful. He promised not to go anywhere at night alone until William the Bloody was dust under the carpet.

All in all, he felt better. He had taken two more Advil just before lunch, and he had the support and protection of his very best friends, so everything was going to be just fine.

It wasn’t until his last class of the day (the stupid science test that he forgot to study for) that he noticed that maybe everything wasn’t fine. He couldn’t get his mind to focus. He could barely finish reading one question on the test before his mind wandered. And he wasn’t thinking about Buffy in that short little skirt she likes to patrol in. And he wasn’t thinking about the supple curves covered by that tight cream-colored sweater that Cordelia was wearing. And, no, he wasn’t even thinking about the Babylon 5 mini-marathon on the Sci-Fi Channel this Friday.

He was thinking about the bite. That bite. He was replaying it over and over again. Remembering things that he couldn’t have noticed at the time. Like how cool Spike’s breath had been when his mouth opened. And the sharp pain as his fangs had glided into Xander’s skin. It had been so easy, so smooth. Like a warm knife through butter, although that sounded cliché. He remembered how, as his body went white, the world had gone red, just for a moment, and how he had felt a kind of strange peace come over him. The moan that had escaped Spike’s throat that matched the moan that had escaped his own. Spike’s body pressed against Xander’s. And, oh god, I can still feel it. Spike’s cool body against mine. His skin getting warmer, hotter, or is that my skin?

And I came. Fuck, that really happened didn’t it? And, oh God, so did he. Didn’t he? I think he did. I know I did. I’m so screwed up. There is something seriously wrong with me. Oh, great, and now I’m hard again. Right here in the middle of science class. Perfect. Why is this happening to me? I can still feel him. Why can I feel him? His mouth and his body and his teeth and his… *snap*

Xander looked down at his hand and saw he had snapped his pencil in half. Then the bell rang. He looked down at his blank test paper and cursed.

~~~~~

Now Angel was sitting inches away from him and asking him a really stupid question. How much blood had Spike taken? What did that matter? Xander pushed Angel away from him.

“How the hell should I know,” he answered as quietly as his angry voice would let him. “I haven’t really been thinking about it, you know.” Then he realized that was an odd thing to say. Why would Angel assume Xander had been thinking about it. Careful. I doth protest too much, Xander thought, channeling an inner Shakespeare he did know existed.

Angel turned his head and looked Xander square in the eye. The look was piercing and scrutinizing in that undead evil way, and it made Xander’s guts betray his no-doubt cool unyielding exterior by cowering into a little ball. Angel stared and Xander began to shake just a little. He hoped it wasn’t noticeable, but quickly realized it was.

“Now we both know that’s not true.” Angel’s voice was even lower and quieter than it had been before. Suddenly Xander was scared. This stupid dead thing knew. He knew what had happened, and how Xander had been feeling the last couple of days, and now he could feel the tears start to fall down his face, and he was embarrassed and ashamed and mad at Angel for seeing him and knowing him.

Angel reached out and touched the brilliantly purple bruise on Xander’s right wrist. The vampire then grasped him lightly by the elbow and guided him off the stairs and into Giles’ office. He set him down in the chair, handed him a box of tissue from the desk, then walked back out into the library, closing the door behind him.

Xander sat for a few moments before taking a tissue from the box and wiping his face. He threw the crumpled tissue at the trash can, missed, and then popped two more Advil from the bottle he carried with him at all times.

He sat there for what seemed like a very long time. He heard mumbled voices on the other side of the closed door, then he heard people leaving the library. Finally, Angel came back into the office with Giles immediately at his heels. Giles closed the door behind them. Xander looked back and forth from the vampire to the Watcher. He wasn’t really sure what was happening. He wasn’t sure how this next part was supposed to go. What was supposed to be said. Angel broke the silence.

“Xander, I have to ask you some more questions, and I need you to answer me honestly. I know it may be hard, but this is very important. I don’t want you to be embarrassed or ashamed. It’s just us men here. Okay?”

Xander was panicked. “Please don’t ask me, Angel. Please?”

Angel squatted down next to the chair. “It’s okay. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Xander started crying again and did his best to hide his face from Giles who was cleaning his glasses and looking quite confused and concerned.

“Angel, if the boy doesn’t want to talk about it-”

“He has to,” Angel snapped back at Giles. “If what I think happened really happened then…” The vampire seemed to be searching for the next words. He shook his head slowly and turned back to Xander. “How much blood did he take?”

Xander wiped his eyes with another tissue and shook his head. “I don’t know.” Angel’s eyes narrowed. “Well, it’s not like I had a measuring cup! How am I supposed to know a thing like that?!”

“Just-” Angel started.

“I’m not dead, am I? That’s how much he took. He bit, he drank, he left. End of story.”

“How long did he drink?”

“Again, sorry I wasn’t forthcoming with the units of measurement. I didn’t clock him. He drank, okay? A lot. For…a while. For a long time.” Xander closed his eyes. He felt the teeth in his neck. He felt the pull of his blood as it left his body. He felt the hands on his wrists, and Spike’s body against his and the hardness pressed into his own, and now the desire began to build up in him. Again.

This desire, this heat, that had been engulfing him since science class the day before. It had been all he thought about. All he felt. He had masturbated six times in the last twenty-four hours and he still felt…unsatisfied. Restless. Twitchy. Empty.

He opened his eyes and looked at Angel. He hated this soulful vampire more now then ever before. He hated him because Angel knew what was happening. And why. He hated him because Xander Harris was about to ask Angel the vampire the very last thing he ever wanted to ask.

Xander took Angel’s wrist and growled out in anger, sorrow and desperation, “Will you help me?”


Chapter 3 - The Reason

It didn’t help. The explanation. It didn’t help at all. It made it worse. He wanted to go back to not knowing. Xander hated Angel. He hated Spike, too. In fact, he hated vampires in general. All of them. Stupid evil blood-sucking bastards.

Later that night, Xander sat in his dark bedroom staring out the window, trying to figure out how this new information was going to effect his future. Or perhaps, just the next few minutes.

Fortunately, Xander didn’t have to go into too much detail about what had really happened with Spike, and the subsequent days. Angel pretty much figured the rest of it out on his own and filled Giles in on the situation. All Xander had to do was agree that yes, he had an orgasm when Spike bit him. And yes, he had been in a constant state of arousal for a little more than a day now. Yes, he was thinking about Spike. And yes, his skinned twitched with a bizarre desire that he couldn’t quite figure out or quell.

It had been a particularly humiliating conversation. Angel explained to Xander that Giles had to be in on it because he was going to need the Watcher’s help in researching how to reverse it.

“Reverse what, exactly?” Xander questioned.

“Okay, let me tell you what I know. I just want to preface this by saying that what I’m about to tell you, you won’t find in any Watcher’s diaries or any written document that I know of. I know it because I’ve experienced it. Been involved.” Angel took a deep breath and hung his head down.

“Enough with the dramatic pauses! Tell me what’s going on!” Xander was getting a little tired of Angel’s whole tortured-soul thing.

“Right. You see, you should be dead. Spike took a lot of blood. Only reason you’re not dead has to do with not only how much he took, but how he took it.”

Xander looked over at Giles as the older man reached for a notepad and pen. “Hey, Giles, this is not a teaching case.” Giles looked at Xander confused. “I don’t need to be a chapter in your diary, thank you very much. You want to write about me? Do it after I’m dead and can‘t know about it.”

Giles blinked at Xander. The Watcher looked to be figuring something out in his head. He slowly set down the pad and pen, then nodded toward Angel to continue.

“When Spike started drinking slower, that’s when things started…heating up, right?”

Xander nodded. He was getting very nervous. “It’s a connection, right? We’ve got some sort of bond thing going on now? That’s why we…you know…um…” Xander made a subtle pumping motion with his fist. Giles removed his glasses quickly and started cleaning them.

“Not exactly. Not a bond. And the fact that you both…climaxed, well, that’s not really all that unusual. Any kill that’s not just a quick meal is quite a…sexual experience for a vampire. And usually about half the time, a victim will get there, too. Well, they would get there if they weren’t, you know, dead.”

“I get it. Still waiting for the punch-line, though, dude.”

“It’s all about you not being dead. And because he didn’t kill you, that works in connection with the sex part. It’s because Spike slowed down. He slowed way down. Drank enough to kill you, but your body was…I don’t know the right word…distracted? And now, you’re having a physical reaction. You have a need for completion.”

“Completion? You mean that my body is telling me that it wants to die?” Okay, panic-mode, again.

“It doesn’t want to die. It needs to.”

“Oh, thanks! Much better! You’re telling me, what, I’m in limbo? Just waiting here for Spike to finish me off? No thank you! I might not be a genius, but I’m smarter than that. I don’t want to die!”

“You’re right, you are smarter than that. That’s why this physical need you have to die is manifesting itself as sexual. That your body, and mind, can deal with.”

“Oh, yeah. My mind’s been coping with jerking off to thoughts of Spike real well. No problem, here. Excuse me while I just go play with my dad’s loaded gun.”

“Xander, really, no need to get drastic.” Giles added.

Angel let out a big sigh. “Now, the bad news.”

“Now, the bad news? Was there good news?” turning to Giles, “Did I miss the good news?”

“Poor choice of words. Sorry.” Angel paced back and forth a couple times, then came to a stop against the opposite wall of the office. It did not escape Xander’s attention that the vampire was now standing as far away from him as possible.

“Um, you see, you will continue to feel this way. You’ll feel pulled toward Spike. You’ll crave his bite. Not to bring death, your brain won’t let that happen. But to bring…release. Completion.”

“Okay. I’ll crave Spike to bite me again.” He looked from Angel to Giles and back. “Fix it, please.”

Angel shrugged. “Don’t know how.”

“Um…not good enough.” He turned toward Giles, again. “Fix it, please.”

“Oh, yes, well, I’ll have to research…”

“Angel said that there is nothing written about this.”

“That I know of, I said. I haven’t ever wanted to reverse it, so I never really looked.”

“You did this to someone?” Xander asked, not really surprised.

“Well, yeah. It was a very long time ago.”

“How did it end before?”

“Oh, she just…died. Or, you know, I killed her.” Angel fidgeted and managed to look even more uncomfortable in his own skin. “We don’t have to talk about this right now, do we?”

Xander set the box of tissues back on the desk and stood up on shaky legs. “Okay, let me get his whole thing straight. When Spike bit me, I should have died. But because of the way he bit me, combined with the most disturbing orgasm that I’ve ever had in my life, I didn’t die. Now I have this creepy desire to have Spike bite me again which is manifesting itself as sexual desire. And it won’t end until I die. Do have I that right?”

Angel crossed his arms over his chest. “That about summed it up.”

“Right then, raise your hand for killing Spike really really dead!” Xander suggested as he shot his hand in the air. Giles sheepishly raised his hand to shoulder height. Angel kept his arms crossed. “Hey, Deadboy, little support here.”

“Can’t kill Spike.” Angel looked distraught.

“Sure we can. Little beheading, little stake through the heart. No more Spike. No more creepy vampire sexual needs for me. Win-win.”

Angel shook his head. “Can’t kill Spike. Killing Spike won’t stop it. Won’t make it better. In fact, it would get worse.”

“Oh, please explain to me how this can get worse.” Xander slowly sat back down in the chair. “No, never mind. Please don’t explain.”

“Listen, without Spike as an outlet, you’ll have no where to direct these urges.”

“I have no where to direct them NOW!”

“Yeah, but you have the potential. With Spike still alive-”

“Okay, I get it,“ Xander interrupted, having no interest in hearing Angel speak anymore. He turned to Giles. “Fix it, please.”

“It will be my highest priority.” Giles stepped over to Xander and rested a hand on his shoulder. He smiled. “We’ll fix it.”

~~~~~

Angel had walked him home. They didn’t say much during the short journey. Angel said he would find Buffy and explain why she couldn’t kill Spike right away, without going into the really embarrassing details. Xander had thanked the vampire with a simple nod when they reached his front porch.

He had stripped down to his boxers when he got to his room, jacked off for the…what? fourth time that day, then just sat there on the bed. Thinking about…well, honestly, thinking about Spike. What if Angel was right? What if Giles could never fix it? What if he felt this way forever? What does this really mean for me?

And that’s how Xander found himself sitting on the edge of his bed and starring out the window at 2 am. Trying to digest his future as a Spike-nympho. And, more to the point, trying to bury this unbelievable urge to walk outside and bare his neck to the vampire that was now standing in his back yard smoking a cigarette. Leaning against a tree. Just starring into Xander’s dark room, and right into his eyes. Calling to him without saying a word.

God, Xander hated vampires.


Chapter 4 - The Pull

About a day after he had bitten the Xander kid, Spike started to feel it. The pull. It was about what he thought it would be. A desire to finish the job.

He knew it would happen. He had done everything right. He just hadn’t expected it to be this…strong. By the time another day had passed, Spike couldn’t get the boy out of his head. He thought about him while shagging Drusilla. He pictured the kid while draining his latest meal. And when he wasn’t shagging or eating, he just sat in his room, stroking himself, and trying to figure out the best time to go see this Xander kid and bite him, kill him, and, most likely, fuck him. Not necessarily in that order.

That’s how Dru found him early that evening. Sitting propped up on their four poster bed, shirtless, jeans unzipped and pushed down to just below his hips, and pulling on himself in long slow strokes. His eyes opened as he heard her come down the stairs to their candle-lit basement bedroom and watched as she glided over to the side of the bed. Gliding seemed to be the perfect word for Drusilla. She never seemed to actually walk. The floor length skirts she always wore covered her legs completely, and her steps were so light and small that she just skated across the floor.

Dru eyed Spike’s body with that enticing expression of curiosity and lust. It was the same look she had the first time she saw him naked, and every time there after. It never ceased to amaze him that she was never able to shake the innocent look of a blushing bride on her wedding night.

Without a word, Dru slowly hitched up her skirt, crawled onto the bed, and straddled Spike’s hips. She removed his hand from his cock, placed it on her breast, then guided him into her. She placed two hands on his chest and began moving on top of him with such skill and talent that the “blushing bride” analogy went completely out the window.

He let her pump herself on him while his thoughts drifted back toward Xander. He vamped out and ran his tongue across his fangs, cutting himself and sucking on the small amount of blood that flowed. He imagined himself attached to Xander’s neck, licking the scar he had made. He could almost feel his teeth sinking into that beautiful soft warm skin.

As he lost himself in the fantasy, he involuntarily took control back from Dru. He moved his hands to grip her hips and thrust up into her, smooth and steady. She was cool and wet and as tight as the very first time. He was always afraid that he was going to break her. Especially recently, in her weakened state.

Now though, she was making grunting and cooing noises that Spike barely heard since, in his mind, it wasn’t the vampiress he was inside.

When he came, he pulled Drusilla down on top of him and tore into her neck, drinking her cold dead blood and finding himself comparing it Xander’s hot pulsating blood that had tingled on his tongue and made his toes curl just a little bit.

Dru climbed off of him, curled her legs underneath herself, and settled next to Spike on the bed She reached over to him and petted the ridges on his face. He adored when she did that. Like she was appreciating every part of him.

“My poor Spike,” she cooed. “Little shepherd has lost his flock.”

Spike tried to focus his thoughts back to the real world so he could work out what the crazy vampire was trying to say.

“So so lost. Looking in all the wrong places.”

“What are you on about, luv?”

Dru stretched out next to him and leaned in close to his ear. “Sheep is searching for his shepherd. Needs to be herded. Needs a home.”

He wasn’t sure he knew what was going on in that rattled brain of hers, but he knew he had to finish up his little project with the boy. He knew that for sure. Spike morphed back into his human features, took Dru’s hand and kissed it. “I’m going to be gone for a little while,” he told her.

She grinned at him, then the world disappeared from her eyes as she said, ”Yes…a little while.“

~~~~~

Spike creeped around the house, peering in windows until he found Xander’s bedroom. Mini-blinds partially shielded the view, but they weren’t closed all the way, and the vampire could see most of what was going on inside the room.

Xander was propped up on his bed in the exact position that Spike had been earlier that night. And in the exact same state of dress. Doing the exact same thing. Spike grinned. He knew what the boy was thinking, too.

He watched as the boy’s strokes became more fevered and his eyes rolled back. He watched as Xander came, then sunk down into his pillows and slowly caught his breath. He watched as Xander composed himself, took a couple tissues from his night stand and cleaned up.

Spike looked around the back yard, walked over to a tree just few feet away, settled himself against it and lit a cigarette. He could see Xander move to the edge of his bed and sit with his head in his hands. He saw the boy lift his head slowly and look at the window. He watched as Xander’s eyes adjusted to the darkness outside. He knew the precise moment that Xander saw the glow of Spike’s cigarette, then the outline of Spike himself.

They stared at each other like that for quite some time. Both wanting the same thing. Spike knowing it was Xander’s move, since he couldn’t enter the house.

Spike finished his cigarette, flicked it away, then pulled another one and his lighter out of his duster pocket. He broke eye contact with the boy as he glanced down to light it. When he looked up again, Xander was gone.

~~~~~

Xander was cussing himself out. His body was making him do things that his mind was screaming at him not to do. It was like the two didn’t exist in the same person anymore. He had certainly lost control of his dick before. He was, after all, a seventeen year old boy. That particular muscle had had it’s own brain for several years now. But this was different. This wasn’t just an unruly penis he was dealing with, but the complete betrayal of his entire body.

From the moment he saw the cigarette glow out the window, his legs had itched to stand up and walk out the door. His dick had stood up at attention again, and his blood began to pump hot and fast through his veins.

No, no, no, he kept trying to tell his body. Don’t go out there. Evil vampire out there. Evil vampire who wants to kill you. You don’t have a death wish. You have a long humiliating life ahead of you and you want to experience every embarrassing moment of it. Don’t go out there. He’s going to kill you. If you go out there, you will die. Don’t go out there.

By the time he had thought Don’t go out there for the seventh time, he was standing at the back door, clad in just his boxers, with his hand on the door knob.

Fuck me, he cursed himself again.

Xander was terrified as he opened the door. He shook fiercely as he walked over to Spike, whose position hadn’t changed. He stood in front of the vampire and coughed as cancer-causing smoke was blown in his face.

“Christ, Spike, you trying to kill me?” Okay, that was out of his mouth before he could brain-check it.

Spike laughed and flicked the cigarette away. “Well, that’s the question now, isn’t it?”

Without the cancer-stick between himself and the vampire, Xander took one more step closer to Spike. “I really don’t want to die.”

“Then what are you doing out here?” Spike took hold of Xander’s arms.

“I think you know the answer to that, you evil prick,” Xander responded, an unwelcome tear rolling down his cheek. He watched Spike’s eyes as they changed from sparkling blue to glowing gold. He thought about Willow. He loved Willow. He tilted his head to left, exposing the scar that was just barely starting to heal. He thought about Buffy. He loved Buffy.

Spike leaned forward and Xander felt a cold tongue wet the mark on his neck. His knees went weak. Spike squeezed harder on his upper arms and Xander found himself leaning further into the vampire. Then he thought about Angel. He hated Angel. If it wasn’t for Angel, Spike would have had no idea who Xander was. It was Angel who took Xander into the school on Parent-Teacher Night and offered to share him with Spike.

“Fuck you, Angel.” The words escaped his lips before he could brain-check them, again.

Spike stopped licking him suddenly and pushed Xander away slightly. “Name’s not Angel, whelp.”

Xander was so tired. He was frustrated, and horny, and either wanted to go back inside or die. He didn’t really know which. The entire situation was making him more angry.

“Wasn’t talking to you,” he told Spike.

The vampire glanced around the yard. “Just you and me here.”

“Listen, you gonna bite me or not? ‘Cause I’m standing right here.” Spike cocked an eyebrow at Xander. “And, believe me, I don’t want to be standing here. But here I am. Just waiting for you to bite me. Or possibly kill me. Or, if not either of those, or maybe in addition to both of those, I’m waiting for you to fuck me.” Brain-check, brain-check, brain-check! “Well, alright, not that last thing. Forget I said that last thing.” Xander was shaking even harder now. “I just need something. Something to make this go away. ‘Cause I can’t live like this. And I don’t want to die like this. I need it to stop. Please, make it stop.”

The words coming from Xander felt like they should have been a sad desperate cry for help, but he was just spitting mad. Spike brought a hand up to Xander’s face and wiped off the hot tears that had been streaming down his face. “What are you so upset about, kid?”

“What? What am I upset about? This isn’t upset. This is pissed off! And it’s a stupid question, anyway. I’m pissed at you, Spike! For making me feel this way. I’m pissed because you made me want you in all sorts of disturbing ways. And I’m pissed because I know that now. And I’m pissed at Angel because he knows it and he told me and doesn’t know how to fix it. And now I have to crave you. You! A short evil vampire with stupid hair. And I don’t really know what I crave. I just know that I need you inside me. And I don’t know if I mean your teeth in my neck or…something else. All I really know for sure is that a few minutes ago I was going crazy sitting in my bedroom, ready to claw my skin off because I needed something so bad. And now that you’re standing here and touching me, I feel good and whole and I want more of you.”

Xander had worked himself out of Spike’s grip and was now clutching the vampire’s shoulders. He wasn’t at all sure what made him do it, but he suddenly leaned down and started sucking on Spike’s neck. The skin was cold and felt dead. There was no pulse. He sucked hard and felt the area that his mouth was touching grow slightly warmer and he realized that he was trying to pull Spike’s blood toward him.

However, this really didn’t seem to be fulfilling any specific current need he was having except for making him even harder. He pulled away from Spike and watched the small red mark he had made on the vampire’s neck fade away quickly.

Xander looked into the vampire’s gold eyes and tried not to sound too desperate when he said, “Fix it.”

Spike leaned down and sucked on his neck, mimicking Xander’s move from a moment ago. Xander made a low growling noise that he had never made before and thrust his hips up against the vampire.

Keeping his mouth secure on his neck, Spike grabbed his arms again and spun them around so that now Xander’s back was against the tree. The vampire then ran his hand slowly down Xander’s bare chest, slipped it into the waistband of his boxers and dear God, no other person has ever touched my dick before. Christ, his hand is cold.

Spike ran his thumb over the tip of Xander’s cock and caught the pre-come that had already started leaking, then he was stoking and Xander stopped thinking. He began pumping himself into the vampire’s fist, and moved a hand to rest on the back of Spike’s head, trying to pull him closer.

Spike was holding onto Xander’s left hip and somehow controlling the thrusts. The vampire was moving his hand entirely too slow, and would occasionally slide his fingers down and roll Xander’s balls with his fingers before continuing the smooth and steady ministrations of his cock.

Xander’s breathing was getting more desperate even though Spike wasn’t moving his hand any faster. In fact, the whole time he was being jerked off so fucking slow that he thought there was no way he was going to come. His entire body screamed for completion.

“Inside me,” he choked out into Spike’s ear, and he finally felt fangs slide into his neck. The orgasm was so sudden that it took a moment for him to realize it was happening. “Oh, God. Fuck,” and other incoherent words came out of his mouth as the vampire drank from him.

And Xander felt perfect. He felt complete. He was ready to die.

Then the fangs were gone and Xander collapsed to the ground. He fell forward and wrapped his arms around Spike’s legs, resting his cheek against the vampire’s thighs.

Xander sat there like that for several minutes. He let his breath slow down and mind catch up. Finally he let go of Spike’s legs and leaned back on his heels. He raised his head slowly, eyes halting for just a moment on the vampire’s crotch as he noticed a darker spot on the front of the black jeans.

By the time his gaze reached Spike’s face, he was looking again at sparkling blue eyes. The vampire had a stupid grin on his face and seemed to have more color in his cheeks. This is disturbing on so many levels, Xander thought, and struggled to stand up.

When his legs decided to work, he straightened up and leaned back against the tree. He shivered when Spike put his slightly warm hands on either side of Xander’s chest and leaned forward.

“I didn’t think keeping you alive like this would be so much fun,” Spike said with that same damn grin.

“So glad I could amuse. You gonna kill me or not?”

“Not tonight. See you again soon, though, yeah?”

“Oh, sure thing, Dread Pirate Roberts. ‘Good night, sleep tight. I’ll most likely kill you in the morning.’ I’ve seen that movie, you know. And I’m not one to just wait around to die. If you’re going to kill me, then fucking kill me!”

“And I’m not one to be taking orders from spotty-faced little boys.”

Xander’s fist struck Spike’s jaw before either one really knew what was happening. Spike, who had been propelled back about a foot, shook his head a couple times (more out of shock than pain, Xander figured), then let out a little laugh. The vampire took one step forward, latched dull teeth onto his bite mark, and sucked hard.

Xander threw his head back against the tree and semi-screamed, “Fuck!” through gritted teeth. Spike stopped as quickly as he started and moved to look Xander in the eyes.

“You know what’s going on, right?” Spike asked.

“Angel explained it to me.”

Spike seemed amused. “Oh, Angel did, did he? Suppose he would know. He’s the one who taught it to me. Never had any use for it until now.”

“God, I fucking hate Angel.”

A snicker from Spike. “Yeah. Me, too.” The vampire took a step back. “I’m not going to kill you right away. I’ll kill you, yes. If I don’t, then I’ll go around feeling like this forever. Can’t have that. But it is kind of amusing for now.”

“What do you mean you’ll go around feeling like this?”

“What? Angel didn’t explain that part? Typical.” Spike sighed. “You crave me. I crave you. That’s just the way it works. It will continue that way until you die. Then I’m free of it.”

“But it doesn’t work the other way around, right? I mean, when I die, then you’re free, but when you die…” Xander slid down the tree again. Angel had explained this part, sure, but it had taken a really long time to process the information completely. “If you die, then this craving, this need, it won’t go away, will it? I’m going to be pulled toward you, but there won’t be a you to go to. What will happen to me?”

Spike squatted down in front of Xander with that same fucking look of amusement on his face and in his eyes. “Well, I heard about this bird this one time whose vampire got dusted before she died, and they found her in her house two weeks later and she had clawed every inch of her skin off. When they found her, she was just a pile of blood and muscle.” Spike raised an eyebrow at Xander’s shocked expression. “Yummy.”

“Please, go away now,” Xander whispered.

“Sure thing, little sheep.” With that, Spike patted Xander on the head and walked out of the back yard.

Xander stayed sitting against the tree for another hour. He finally got up and slowly walked back into his house, stripped off his sticky boxer shorts, and climbed under his covers.

He laid awake the rest of the night, got up around seven, took a shower and went to school. He figured that this was what the rest of his life was going to be like. Disturbing sex and blood acts in his back yard every night until Spike was tired of him. He tried to wrap his brain around it and make it okay in his mind.

What he didn’t know was that it was about to get so much worse.


Chapter 5 - So Much Worse

God, Xander hated Angel.

“I know you think you can handle this, but you’re not safe around him!” Angel was screaming.

“Of course, I’m not safe. But I’ll figure something out on my own! I don’t need you!”

Xander and Angel were having this very loud and heated argument while standing in the library surrounded by Buffy and Willow and Giles. Giles was standing near the men, trying to mediate this unmediatable fight.

“Boys, boys, calm down please,” Giles tried to interject.

Angel ignored him, “I’m the only qualified person in this bunch who’s available. Buffy has got her sacred duty keeping her busy. She can’t be at your house every night.”

“I don’t want you at my house every night! Spike said he wasn’t going to kill me right away. Can’t we just let it go for now?”

“No!” was the collective cry from the other four people in the room. Xander looked over at Willow and was saddened by the look of fear on her face. He walked over to her and squatted down in front of the chair she was seated in. He took her hand.

“Wills, I know you’re scared. And I am, too. But until we figure out how to fix it, then this is the way it is. I’ll cope. I’ll deal. And I’ll not die. Not, yet.”

“Not ever, Xander,” Willow cried. He sighed heavily and stood up to face the group again.

“I know I’m not safe. I know I’m walking a fine line by…well, just existing right now. But there are some things that I will not do, and one of those things is have this dead guy,” Xander pointed at Angel, “as my fucking bodyguard!”

“Xander!” Buffy and Willow gasped.

“Listen, you stupid punk,” Angel hissed out, “you’re really going to risk your own life just because you hate me? The only thing standing between life and death for you right now is pride!” Angel stepped up to Xander, put his face in his, and continued with pure disdain, “You’re going to die bleeding and alone.”

Xander took a step back and punched Angel in the jaw. The vampire staggered back a few steps then charged forward again with a fist up, ready to strike.

“Enough!” The deep voice echoed through the library so suddenly and forcefully that everyone froze. Angel in mid-swing, Xander’s arm up to block the expected blow, Buffy halfway out of her chair, and Willow with her head in her hands. Then everyone turned to look at Giles.

The librarian tore his glasses off his face and started cleaning them vigorously. There was an audible crack as one of the lenses broke between Giles’ fingers. He looked down at the glass in his handkerchief and stuffed both it and the ruined spectacles in his shirt pocket.

Xander and Angel backed away from each other. Buffy slowly lowered herself back in her chair. Willow started chewing on a fingernail.

“Now,” Giles took a deep breath, composed himself, and turned to Angel, “This is what is going to happen. Angel, you will watch out for Xander. You will allow Xander and Spike to get whatever fix they need to get and you will make sure that Spike doesn‘t kill him. You will continue to do this until we find a…cure.”

Xander opened his mouth to say something but was cut off when Giles whipped his head toward him and glared the coldest stare he had ever seen on anybody. He had never seen the Watcher so angry.

“Not a word, Xander. To coin your own phrase, ‘This is the way it is.’” Giles walked over to Xander and placed a hand on his arm, his face softening. “There are people here who care about you, Xander. People who love you. We will not let you die. We’ll fix it. And in the mean time, we will protect you.” Xander relented with a nod.

Giles walked toward his office. When he reached the door, he turned around and faced the group again. “Buffy, go patrol. Angel, walk Willow and Xander home. Stay with Xander.” With that, he went into his office and shut the door.

The room stayed quiet for several moments. Then Buffy got up, gathered her stake and axe and left the library, but not before giving both Xander’s and Angel’s hand a quick squeeze as she passed them.

Willow stuffed her books into her backpack, and the three walked out into the evening.

~~~~~

As soon as they got outside, and all the other distractions disappeared, Xander felt the stirring in his blood and his pants. He had managed to find the time to jerk off just once that day, in a dark janitor’s closet, with his other hand on the lockless door knob so no one walked in on him.

His thoughts never really strayed far from Spike that whole day. Mostly he would picture the vampire’s face, ridges on his nose and forehead, evil gold eyes, sharp greedy teeth. He would feel Spike’s hands on his arms and chest. And his cold fingers wrapped around his cock.

During his janitor’s-closet-jerk-off session, Xander felt Spike stroking him and drove himself a little crazy by mimicking the move with his own hand. In his head, he was telling Spike to move faster, but he couldn’t make his own hand do anything different than the long slow pulls he felt the night before. He finally let go of the door knob and reached up to touch the mark on the right side of his neck. The moment he did, he bit his lip to muffle the moan as he came. He pressed his back against the door and cleaned himself up with toilet paper that he found on the shelf next to him.

Now his mind wandered as the trio walked toward Willow’s house. This time, though, Xander started conjuring new images in his head. Picturing Spike in ways that he had not seen before. Like shirtless. And like having cold vampire fingers clutch his own bare ass. This was quite disturbing.

He snuck a look at Angel, who was walking between himself and Willow. Angel kept giving Xander creepy side-glances, and Xander had a sudden fear that the vampire could possibly smell something that was giving away his current arousal. Plus, it was getting a little difficult to walk comfortably.

When Spike appeared in front of them, Xander’s body reacted before his mind did. This was getting to be the norm. Angel and Willow stopped immediately, but Xander took a couple quick steps toward Spike before Angel grabbed his arm and pulled him back. Xander glared at the vampire clutching his arm, then at the vampire standing several feet in front of him.

“Hey, Spike,” Xander called out as he tried to twist his arm out of Angel’s grasp. “You gonna kill me tonight?”

Spike tilted his head to the side slightly. “Wasn’t planning on it.”

Angel tightened his grip. “We need to get Willow home.”

“Go ahead,” Xander answered.

“I’m not leaving you. We’ve already established this.”

“Get Willow home, Angel.” Xander growled at him.

“Uh, boys,” Spike smirked, “I believe this point is moot.”

Xander and Angel looked at Willow. She was now a couple yards behind them in the arms of a tall dirty vampire that had come out of nowhere. He was crushing her back against his chest, hand over her mouth. Her eyes were frantic. Two more vampires came out of the shadows and flanked Willow and her captor, all in game face.

Angel made a move toward Willow, and Xander was suddenly torn out of Angel’s grip and into Spike’s. Angel stopped. He was in fighting stance, looking back and forth between Willow and Xander.

“I didn’t come here for a fight, Angelus,” Spike explained calmly.

“You’re not leaving here with him.” Angel growled back.

“Wasn’t planning on it.”

Xander found himself leaning into Spike who wasn’t really holding his arm, more like stroking it. Xander’s breathing started to quicken. He reached up and grabbed Spike’s duster. He was unable to tear his stare away from the vampire’s blue eyes. He wanted so much for this to stop.

“No, I’ve got something else in mind,” Spike continued. He beckoned to Angel with his finger, “Come here.”

“What are you up to, Spike?” Angel narrowed his eyes.

“I said, come here.”

“I don’t take orders from you. Never have. Never will.”

Spike gave a small nod to the vampire holding Willow. That vamp moved Willow’s head to the side and slowly scraped his fangs across her neck. She squeezed her eyes tight and whimpered.

“You son-of-a-bitch!” Angel vamped out and shouted at Spike, “Not Willow!”

“Then come here,” Spike said with a smug smile.

Angel took a few steps toward Spike and Xander who were not too subtly starting to grope at each other. Suddenly Xander felt himself being thrust forward. Spike has holding him by the arms, pushing him face first at Angel.

“What the hell are you doing?” Xander called out over his shoulder at Spike.

“Take his arms, Angelus.” Spike ignored Xander and was staring intently at Angel. He shook Xander lightly and said again, “Take him!”

Angel glanced back at Willow. Her eyes were wide open again, tears running down her face, and two dark red lines were trickling blood from her neck. Angel turned back around and grabbed Xander’s arms, just above were Spike was holding him.

Spike stepped up closer behind Xander. He could feel the vampire’s erection pressing into his ass. His blood was pumping harder, and he had a flash image of Spike inside him, and this time it wasn’t his teeth.

“Now,” Spike was still speaking to Angel, “bite him.”

“What!?” Xander and Angel shouted.

Spike let go of Xander’s left arm, put his hand on his head and tilted it to the left. The vampire ran his tongue slowly and smoothly across the raw and bruised scar. Xander shivered.

Then Spike took hold of Xander’s left arm again, let go of his right arm and violently forced his head to tilt in the other direction, exposing the unscarred left side of his neck. “Bite him.”

“Are you out of your mind?” Angel asked, which was exactly what Xander was thinking and would of asked himself if he had been able to formulate words. His body was doing a flip-flop between anger and desire that was pretty much turning his mind to mush.

“Come on, Angelus. I’m just doing what you taught me.” Spike walked Xander forward one more step until he was pretty well crushed between the two vampires. “Sharing.”

Angel’s gold eyes looked panicked. His eyes were flicking back and forth from Spike to Xander’s neck.

“How long has it been, Angel?” Spike asked, lowering his voice to a husky whisper that blew cool breath across Xander’s hot skin. “Human blood. How long has it been since you sunk those long teeth into virgin flesh? Since you felt blood pump into your mouth? Filling you. Warm. Sticky. How long, Angel?”

The three of them were panting. Xander’s skin was crawling with need. “Please,” was the only word he could get his brain to say.

“You know what I’m telling you to do, right Angel?” Spike had removed his hands from Xander completely and was now holding onto Angel‘s arms, keeping the older vampire pressed against Xander. Now Xander felt Angel’s erection against his own. His disgust reached a level he didn’t know existed.

“Never, Spike. I won’t,” Angel croaked out while still staring at Xander’s neck.

“Right, then.” Spike looked up at Willow’s captor. “Do it.”

Angel looked back and saw the vampire sink his teeth into Willow. She screamed beneath the hand covering her mouth.

“No!” Angel and Xander both shouted.

“Stop,” Spike said casually. The gulping stopped, but the vampire kept his teeth buried in Willow’s neck. She had a look of utter terror in her eyes.

Angel turned his glare back to Spike. “How could you do this?” he asked, sounding more desperate than angry.

“Vampire. Remember? It has been a while for you, hasn’t it? You don’t want the little redhead to die? Bite him.” Spike pressed Xander harder into Angel.

Angel looked back at Willow, then at Xander, then at Xander’s neck, then back at Willow, and finally at Spike. “I can’t,” he whimpered.

“You will,” Spike countered.

Angel morphed back into his human guise and started to cry. It was absolutely the most disturbing thing that Xander had ever seen. And this is what got Xander scared. Not getting turned on by Spike. Not needing Spike to bite him and (yes, damnit) fuck him. Not the possibility that Spike was trying to force Angel to kill him. But Angel crying. Angel was crying because he knew that he was going to do this bad thing that Spike was asking of him. And when Angel got scared…it was very very bad.

And Angel was looking directly at Xander with absolute sorrow in those tear filled eyes. Angel swallowed hard. “I’m sorry,” he whispered and stole a glance back at Willow who was still impaled on the vampire’s teeth.

Angel turned slowly back to Xander in full vamp face. “I’m so sorry,” he said one more time before sinking his fangs into Xander’s neck.

Xander screamed. It felt like he was being stabbed with a steak knife. He heard Spike laugh. Then he heard the vampire behind say in a very soft low voice, “Don’t kill him, Angelus.”

He felt Angel drinking. Felt the blood pump from his body and Angel’s mouth grow warmer.

And then two more fangs pierced the other side of his neck.

Xander’s legs completely stopped working. The two bodies crushing him and the two sets of teeth in his neck were the only things holding him up. He was gasping. His blood was screaming. He heard Angel start to moan. The two arms from behind him snaked between himself and Angel. He felt a palm cup his pulsating cock through his jeans and the back of the other hand as it gripped Angel’s.

Then all cylinders fired in his brain, and he figured out what was happening. Angel and Spike were drinking slow. Really slow. Xander reached back and took hold of Spike’s hips. “Please,” he said again and tried to make more words come out like don’t or stop or no, but he just stopped at “Please.”

This time he barely noticed when he came. The world was going tilty and gray. Then all the pressure disappeared, and he crumpled to the ground. He was sprawled on his back in the grass gasping for breath. He looked to his right and focused on Angel. Angel was starring back at him, big brown eyes filled with terror. Xander turned to his left and looked at Spike. Spike was starring at Angel with blue-eyed smugness and that blood-soaked grin that Xander was ready to rip off his face.

Everyone turned to look at Willow as she gasped and fell forward when the vampire minion took his fangs out and pushed her away.

The last thing Xander saw before he passed out was Angel punching Spike. Now, that was satisfying.


Chapter 6 - Tilt-a-Whirl

Xander’s head spun. He flashed on a memory of when he was thirteen, and he and Jesse thought it would be fun to sneak into his father’s liquor cabinet. They had taken many sips of the most foul tasting clear liquid, then the next morning had woken up feeling exactly like this. Achy and spinny and dry-mouthed. He turned his head to the right and opened his eyes, expecting to see Jesse laying there, looking like Xander felt.

Instead, he was looking at a wall. But it wasn’t his wall. His wall was covered in posters and stickers and random paraphernalia that reflected his interest in music and comic books and sports and Amy Yip.

He blinked. This wasn’t his wall. This wall was blank and boring. And these sure as hell weren’t his sheets. These sheets weren’t the thread-bare blue stripes he’d had for entirely too many years. These sheets were red and, my god…silk.

He turned his head to the left and the first thing he saw was Angel. Sitting on the floor against the far wall. The vampire’s knees were drawn up to his chest. His palms were resting on the floor. He was starring at Xander.

He glanced around the room, pulling the situation in focus. This was Angel’s basement flat. He had been here once before. It was a large room with this bed tucked into an alcove that offered a kind of privacy from the living area, kitchen, and front door. He looked back at Angel. “How long?”

“Two days.”

Xander nodded. “Sunday,” he said to himself to clarify and get his bearings. Damn. Missed the Babylon 5 marathon. “Just you here?”

“Buffy and Giles just left to patrol.”

Xander sat up quickly, terrified. “Willow?!”

“She’s fine. Vamp took a good size bite out of her, but she didn’t lose a lot of blood. She’s been by a lot.”

He relaxed and looked down, discovering he was wearing only a pair of sweat pants that weren’t his own. “Um, what the hell?” he asked pointing to his legs.

“They’re Giles’,” Angel answered, like that explained everything.

“Okay, Deadboy, I’m gonna need a little more exposition.”

Angel looked tired. Really tired. He was keeping his head cast down, glancing up at Xander through hooded eyes. The details came quickly. Aside from Willow’s house, Angel’s abode was the closest, so he had brought Xander here. Couldn’t do hospital because couldn’t think of a reason why there was so much blood loss yet so little death. Because of the how the blood was lost, Xander really just needed a place to sleep it off. The clothes? Well, they all just figured that Xander wouldn’t be comfortable in Angel’s.

“Good call,” Xander mumbled at that revelation, and decided not to ask who had changed his clothes. “Were do my parents think I am?”

“Willow’s.”

“It’s Sunday now, though. They’ll be expecting me home.”

“Yeah. You should probably get going.”

“Um, yeah. You forgetting something?” Angel’s blank expression didn’t change. “Vampire bodyguard. Remember? Not that you did me a lot of good last time, but my friends will kill me if I get killed.”

Angel’s body twitched and Xander heard a rattle of metal. “You were right. Spike’s not going to kill you for a while.”

“I love being right. Hey, here’s a funny sidebar…why are you chained to the wall?” It was odd that he hadn’t noticed it before, but now Xander saw the chain running down the wall, one end attached to a heavy-duty eye hook, the other disappearing next to Angel’s hand.

Angel lifted his arm, exposing the three-inch manacle latched around his wrist. “To keep you safe.”

“From you?”

“Yes.”

Xander’s stomach twisted into a sudden knot, then unclenched immediately as he felt the blood inside him split and flow in two different directions. He thought instantly of the first bite from Spike. Then the second. Then the third. Then Angel. He reached up and touched the new mark on the left side of his neck. His pulse was strong there. His neck was hot. The loose fitting sweats betrayed his arousal.

But Angel wasn’t looking at Xander. The vampire’s head was bent over so far that Xander could only see the top of his head, his arms wrapped tightly around his knees. Angel was breathing heavily, in hard gasps. Xander knew what that heavy breathing meant. Had heard it, felt it, from a vampire before.

Oh, crap.

Xander stood up and scanned the room for his clothes, finding them folded neatly on the bedside cabinet. The new sound that escaped from Angel was what gave him pause as he held his t-shirt in his hand.

Angel hadn’t moved from his position on the floor, except for the gentle rocking, forward and back. Xander had just heard a low groan. It had sounded sad and desperate and like it existed so deep in Angel that it hurt to get it out.

Sitting back down on the bed, Xander started to fret. It was a new emotion for him, fretting. Seemed like something that old British folk like Giles would do. But here he found himself, fretting none the less.

Spike sure had known was he was doing, didn’t he? He could have killed Xander that first night, causing the Slayer great heartache. But then she would have just enacted her revenge and there would have an apocalyptic battle and blood would have been spilled on both sides. But this. Sucking one of the Slayer’s best friends into a mental frenzy of blood-lust and sexual desire. Devising it so killing Spike would result in said friend’s increased inner torture and possible suicide. Brilliant safe-guard, really.

And now this. Take one acid-laced psycho vampire, add a dash of hormonal highly-susceptible teenager, and shake liberally with unstable, ensouled, repressed, reformed second vampire, and you get a cocktail of the most bitter tasting threesome ever concocted.

Giles, Xander prayed in his head, please find a way to fix this. Please. Make it all go away.

Xander’s entire body was burning now. His breathing was beginning to match Angel’s. Over this past week Xander had felt scared, concerned, uncomfortable, creepy, crabby, disgusted, agitated, occasionally satisfied, and all around angry and horny. This was his life. A Tasmanian Devil of twisting emotion that had the potential to suck in the entire rest of his existence. He was going to go mad with the constant internal conflict. It was going to rip him to shreds. It was time to pick an emotion.

If his brain had been working properly at that moment, he would have picked ‘angry.’ Instead, he chose ‘satisfied.’ Which meant he had to get the one and only thing that could satisfy him. Angel.

~~~~

Angel was turning Friday night’s events over and over in his head. Was there any way he could of gotten out of this? Should he have taken the chance and lunged at the vampire holding Willow? There were many ways that vamp could have ended the girl. Would Angel have made it in time before Willow’s throat was ripped out. Or neck was broken? If he had actually managed to wrench Willow away, would Spike had reneged and kidnapped or killed Xander? If Angel had simply attacked Spike, then Willow would surely have been dead.

How the hell did Spike get the upper hand? Spike! When Angel had left the vampire a hundred years ago, he was still a spoiled fledge who tore through towns and countries with no regard for strategy and repercussions. Even when they had run into each other in the 1940’s, the younger vampire had been as immature and as hapless as ever. Now Spike was running his own household. And his plot devices, while probably not too carefully thought out, were beginning to match Angelus’ notorious nefarious schemes.

The groan that found its way out of the inner depths of Angel’s soul brought him back to the present like someone had torn a blindfold off his eyes. Even with his head down and eyes still clenched tight, he could sense Xander’s presence. He couldn’t figure out why the boy hadn’t left yet. Didn’t Xander get what was going on?

Then it occurred to Angel that, yes, Xander knew exactly what was going on.

“You really are a fool, aren’t you?” Xander’s voice had a smoothness to it that almost frightened Angel. “Chaining yourself to a wall. Ha. You’re the one that explained this to me.”

There was shuffling in front of him and Angel could feel the heat coming off of Xander.

“Did you think that I could go home and resume my life? I couldn’t when it was just Spike inside me. Now it’s you, too.”

Xander had apparently kneeled down in front him and his hands were gripping Angel’s forearms, pulling them away from knees. Angel raised his head to look into Xander’s eyes. Eyes that were supposed to be brown, but lust was turning them black.

“If you really wanted to stay away from me, you could have taken me to Giles’ or Willow’s at any time. There would have been no way that they would have invited you or Spike in. If this was really all about you vampires, then I would have found a way to be safe. But this thing that you’re feeling…” Xander leaned in too close to Angel’s ear, “…all the things you want to do to me right now. I’m feeling it, too.”

Angel allowed himself to be pulled up to a standing position, back shoved against the wall. Part of his brain was telling him to push this warm-blooded human away, break the chain and run away as quickly as possible. At the same time, his demon-infused mind was firing precise instructions on how to subdue this idiot-child, fuck him into the wall, and suck every last ounce of blood out of a gaping hole in his neck.

Xander’s hands were gripping Angel’s shoulders, pressing him hard into the wall. Those hands slipped slowly down his arms and rested firmly on Angel’s wrists. I know that move, Angel thought, trying to concentrate on the smaller details, rather than the situation itself. But Xander was still talking.

“It doesn’t matter if you want it or not. I don’t want it. Doesn’t matter. This is going to happen. What’s your body telling you to do, Angel?” Xander closed the gap between their bodies.

Angel was trying not to let his demon take over. His inner vampire could take control of this situation, but if it did, Xander would end up dead. There were some things that the soul couldn’t stop. Angelus would step out, satisfy this urge, and then skip away and leave Angel with the guilt and the clean up.

Xander was right. This was going to happen. But he couldn’t let Angelus out. So it was Angel that was going to have to do it.

~~~~

Xander didn’t know that he could feel this much revulsion and this much desire at the same time. He wanted it quick. He wanted it over. And he needed it now.

He forced himself to look into Angel’s eyes. Xander had to let Angel know that whatever happened next was supposed to. It wasn’t Xander’s fault. It wasn’t Angel’s fault. It was just what was supposed to happen. The way it was. The way it is.

Xander saw his own fear and anger mirrored back at him in Angel’s face. Then a mask was slipped over the vampire’s eyes and Xander saw nothing. No fear, no anger, no emotion. Suddenly, brown eyes shifted to gold, and Angel was biting. Xander didn’t see him move. Just felt the fangs in his neck.

For a moment he was thankful. This was what he wanted, wasn’t it? Wasn’t it? The bite. His body was waiting for the end. The punch line. But wait. That’s what his body wanted. To die. He didn’t want to die. This wasn’t right at all. Need the bite so much, but can’t die.

“Stop, Angel,” Xander tried to make the words sound harsh. “Stop, now.”

Angel pulled out of Xander’s throat, brown/black and gold eyes meeting again. They were both hyperventilating. Xander pressed his impossibly hard cock into Angel, meeting the same hardness on the other side of Angel’s jeans.

“Not yet. I need more. You need more.” Xander let go of Angel’s wrists and moved his upper body away to take in all of Angel’s vampire features. “Make me not die.”

Angel brought his hands up, rattling the chain connected to the wall, and gripped Xander’s shoulders. Xander closed his eyes and whispered, “Make it happen.”

Then Xander was facing the wall. Bare chest pressed into the chain that ran diagonally across his body, still connected to Angel’s right wrist. He didn’t feel the sweat pants come down, but they were around his knees now. He felt rough jeans rub against his ass, and hard lips suck on the fresh wound on the left side his neck.

His blood was screaming. “Angel,” he heard himself say. He pounded a palm against the wall in front of him. “Fuck.”

The jeans and lips were suddenly pulled away. Xander heard the click of a belt buckle. He turned his head to the left slightly and the corner of his eye caught Angel shoving his jeans to just below his hips.

His brain then captured the next few things, but refused to process them, like zoning out during a filmstrip in school. He felt a hand put a bruise hold on his hip. He saw Angel put two fingers into his own mouth, then pull them out covered in spit. Then one of those fingers was inside of him. He didn’t remember feeling it go in. It was just there.

And then that was the only thing he could feel. Something in him. Someone. Angel twisted his finger and oh god. Oh god, please don’t let my brain start working right now.

The finger was gone, Xander gasped, then there were two. Xander turned his head back to face forward and smacked his forehead and both palms against the wall several times. “God, fuck,” he sobbed out.

Angel was moving his fingers. Twisting and scissoring. No, no, no, no, Xander’s mind was trying to function. Trying to tell him make this all stop. But he felt pre-come start to leak out of his own cock and was never more angry with his own body for betraying him like this.

The fingers were gone. Oh god no. “Yes.” fuck no. Two separate parts of him. Two parts that would never meet, never agree. Spike. “Spike,” Xander’s mind and voice whispered in anger and gratitude.

Xander heard Angel spit, and he knew right then that it wasn’t going to be enough. He felt something large and too foreign touch the entrance to his hole and his body shut down. He clenched every muscle, his body making a final stand.

Then there was a hand on his cock. It wasn’t his own hand. And it wasn’t the long slender fingers he remembered from several nights ago. The large rough fingers captured what he had been leaking and then he was being stroked hard.

Angel’s lips were on Xander’s neck again, sucking and licking. Xander let one rasping groan escape and thrust forward into Angel’s fist. When he pushed backwards again, Xander felt Angel’s cock break his threshold and holy mother of god! Then he screamed.

It hurt. It fucking hurts. Oh god stop it hurts!

And Angel didn’t give him time, he didn’t give him time. He was just thrusting. It was fast and hard and punishing and over very very quickly.

The sucking on Xander’s neck became fangs and he was penetrated again. He came screaming onto the wall and over Angel’s hand. He felt a cold rush burst inside of him, then he was warm again like fire, like ash.

When Angel pulled away, the chain that had made an impression in Xander’s chest was pulled with him, causing them both to stumble and fall, palms on the floor, gasping for breath.

Fluid was gushing out of Xander. He was bleeding. And not just his neck. He turned toward Angel, but Angel wasn’t looking at him. He had already pulled his jeans back up around his hips and was whimpering like a little girl, rolled up in a ball.

That was when he heard the clapping. “Bloody priceless,” and Spike stepped out of the shadows.


Chapter 7 - Touching

“That looked like fun,” Spike said as his applause died out.

“Fuck you,” was Xander’s witty retort.

“All in good time, little one.” Spike stepped over to Xander. The vampire leaned down and Xander felt himself being lifted up. He was too tired to protest. Spike’s touch wasn’t rough. It wasn’t cruel. It was swift and deliberate. Xander was carried quickly to the bed and laid down on his stomach. The sweat pants were removed entirely.

Xander buried his face in Angel’s pillow, then hated himself even more for knowing the smell. He knew Angel’s smell, now. Was it even possible to hate himself more? Was this really his life now? He just got fucked by Angel. Buffy’s boyfriend. A vampire. A vampire with a soul. Maybe the soul was gone. Maybe this was the Angelus that they wrote about in the Watchers‘ diaries. That thought might actually be a bit comforting. To know that it was really a soulless thing that he had just had sex with, and not the guy that Buffy was falling in love with. But Xander felt pretty sure that it was Angel. Angelus wouldn’t have been cowering in the corner. He could still hear Angel crying.

Then there were cool hands on the back of his legs. They were stoking him slowly yet firmly. The hands moved up his legs, ghosted over his ass, then began massaging the muscles of his lower back.

Xander’s stomach unclenched, and he relaxed into the mattress. No one had ever touched him like this before. He managed to stop his brain from picturing Spike, and just concentrate on the hands. The fingers were so smooth. So different than the fingers that had been gripping his hip and cock just a few minutes before. Those were big and rough. Callused. These were thin and long like a woman’s. Or how Xander had imagined a woman’s would be. He had kissed a few girls in the last couple of years, but it had never gone beyond lips. He hadn’t known how good hands could be.

And now he was getting hard again. His turn-around time had gotten ridiculously short this past week. But it wasn't just hardness. That same damn burning sensation was filling him. Xander could feel his blood pounding just under his skin. He had to be touched. Needed hands and teeth. The week old scar on his neck was throbbing. Spike's touch was the only thing that was going to make this itching go away. Xander didn't know if his body could take more abuse.

But the hands pressed slightly harder into his back and pushed up his skin to his shoulders, one hand slipping further up and brushing the scar on the right side of his neck just as it was starting to pulsate and burn even more. Xander groaned into the pillow.

The hands left him suddenly and were gone long enough for Xander to wonder if the hands’ owner had left. Then they were back, this time on the inside of his thighs, pushing them apart. Xander felt warm and cool fluid leak out of his body, and he wanted to cry again, but instead just told himself to shut up and deal with it later. He was going to have a lot to deal with later.

Then there was a new sensation on his ass cheek, and it was soft and cool and wet, and his brain said, Spike!, and that was okay, because it felt good. The hands, the fingers, the tongue. All Spike, all good.

Spike’s tongue lapped slowly on his hot skin. Xander felt a little like a kitten being cleaned by his mother. Almost felt like purring, if his body knew how. Then the tongue moved to his crack and slid down, touching his entrance. And when did he start thinking of that place as an entrance instead of an exit?

But it has good because it was soft. And when there was a little more pressure as Spike pushed in a little bit more, Xander managed to gasp and groan at the same time. He heard a matching groan come from Spike.

Then he was empty again and Spike was talking. “Now, there’s a combination of flavors I haven’t tasted in over a century.” Xander turned his head to the right just in time to see Angel lift his head and look at them both as Spike said, “Right, Angelus?”

Angel growled and Spike laughed. Xander didn’t care about that now, though, because Spike had put his tongue back where it was supposed to be. Xander lifted his hips up off the bed and Spike was able to push that silk tongue in even more. Xander didn’t know how he had managed to lived his whole life without ever feeling this before. Why hadn’t anyone told him? He felt perfectly okay with dying right now. With Spike’s tongue in his ass. That’s not wrong, is it? Can’t be. Feels too good.

Then it was wrong. Very wrong. Because those weren’t dull teeth that he felt on that very tender spot on his ass surrounding the hole. Those were fangs. Sharp, potentially intrusive fangs.

“Gah!” Xander screamed, and flipped over quickly, throwing Spike to the other side of the bed, against the wall. “No, no, no! You will not bite me! Not there!”

Xander saw a look of shock flash over Spike’s vampire face, before it was quickly replaced with dull amusement. “Wasn’t gonna bite you, you git.”

Xander pointed at him. “Then what’s with the grr-face and the fangs on me?”

Spike chuckled (yeah, chuckled). “I was just tasting. Vampires taste better, taste more, in their true face. Didn’t you know that?”

“Okay, first, ew. And second, why would I know that?”

“You’ve got a lot to learn about vampires, mate.”

“I think I know as much as I want to about vampires, thank you very much.” It was at that point that Xander let his eyes drop to the rest of Spike and register that the vampire, sitting casually now in the middle of the bed, back pressed against the wall, was completely naked. That must have been what he was doing when his hands had left Xander. “Spike, you’re naked.” Oh, that was a clever thing to say.

“Yeah, pet,” Spike confirmed, poking Xander’s hip with his toe, “So are you.”

Xander glanced down at himself, although, yes, he did know that. The room stayed quiet for a while after that. Xander continued to keep his eyes trained on himself, although he knew that Spike was looking at him, too. He had no idea what Angel was doing, and he didn’t care.

~~~~

Spike let the stillness continue. He craved to reach over and touch the boy again, but he was curious to see how this next part was going to play out. To see what Xander would do next.

It took a long time. Or perhaps what just felt like a long time.

Xander’s deep breathing started to become more labored. He still wouldn’t look up at Spike or anything else. The boy’s heart was pumping faster, but he just wouldn’t move.

The one beating heart in the room was all Spike could hear. It was comforting. The one point of frantic surrounded by the utter calm of the rest of the room. But Spike suddenly shattered that image by losing control of his own breath. He found himself gasping with desire as he watched his boy struggle with some internal conflict that they both knew he was going to lose.

Spike had time to ponder the situation. Run through his options. The first and most obvious being to just end this foolishness, drain the boy while Angel was chained to the wall, and go back to his Dru. He hadn’t been back in the last few days. After that night in the boy’s backyard, he had gathered a few mindless minions and planned his little encounter with Angelus. Bloody ponce. His ol’ Sire was going around calling himself Angel. Spike had known something was different about him when they had run into each other on that U-boat during the war. Angelus was still behind Angel’s soul somewhere. He just needed a little reminding on how to be a vampire, that’s all.

And it was so bleedin’ easy, too. Just threaten the cute little red-headed white-hat. If Angel wasn’t so hard-up for the Slayer, which was so obvious, by the way, then Spike was sure Angel would be going after Red. Who wouldn’t? In fact, Spike was a little disappointed that he hadn’t gotten a hold of Red instead of the boy last week.

But on the other hand, this boy was something interesting. Something different. Something… special. So pure and innocent, like the red-head, but also something more. The boy had a bit of an anger streak in him. That anger and determination was what caused Spike to keep the boy around on the night that he should have killed him.

During the two days that Spike had spent underground, waiting for Xander to wake up, he had thought about the boy’s anger. And when Spike had finally entered Angel’s apartment and watched Xander seduce the vampire chained to wall…well, that was just…perfection.

The boy was still so scared and had a lot to learn, never knowing which emotion to feel or how to really react to this new development in his life. But if Spike pushed hard enough…well, then he may have just enough reason to keep little Xander around for a long time. A very long time.

Finally Xander’s hand twitched. Paused. Twitched again. Then it was grasping Spike’s ankle. Just holding on like Xander was afraid he was going to fall off the bed or something. Still he wasn’t looking up.

Then the boy’s thumb started moving. Was stroking. Xander loosened his grip just a little, but pressed his thumb more firmly into Spike’s ankle and just stroked. Slowly.

Spike was finished with patience and lunged forward, landing on top of Xander, spreading across him until Spike’s full body was pressed into the boy’s. Their eyes met, brown and blue, both darkened with black lust.

“You want?” Spike managed to gasp out between pointless sharp breaths.

“I need,” Xander stated simply, his breath seemingly more controlled that Spike’s.

Spike let a small smile cross his face. “I’ll give you what you need. You tell me when you’re ready for what you want.”

~~~~

Xander knew that he should have paid more attention to what Spike said, but he just nodded. “I need you to touch me.”

Spike’s hand slid slowly down Xander’s left arm until their fingers were clasped together. The vampire lifted himself slightly off of Xander and brought their joined hands down between them.

The hand gripping Xander’s fingers let go and the cool palm was now pressed against the back of his hand. He was being guided down, and when Spike’s hand forced Xander’s to close, his fingers were being wrapped around both of their erections. Xander was familiar with the way his hand felt around his own dick, but now he was also clasping another man’s that was pressed up against his own.

Why had the world kept such secrets from him? Why didn’t anyone tell me that I could feel this way? Was it just this vampire thing? Or was it Spike? He certainly had no interest in touching Angel like this. In fact, the thought grossed him out so much, that he pushed it out of his head completely.

Xander was still able to see blue at the edges of Spike’s large black pupils. He couldn’t read much in those eyes, and decided that he really didn’t want to try.

Spike’s hand was moving and Xander let his own hand be guided. The paler hand was forcing his own to touch every part of the two hard cocks. Getting familiar. Getting to know the differences. Spike’s was longer and thinner than Xander’s. But there was also foreskin, which was a fascinating discovery.

The room was so quiet, except for their breathing. Xander was slightly curious if Angel was watching them, but didn’t care quite enough to break contact with Spike’s eyes. The only thing that existed was Spike’s eyes, and Spike’s hand, and Spike’s cock.

Those blue eyes flashed gold for just a moment when their fingers pushed the foreskin down and rubbed the very sensitive head underneath. Then they captured the leaking fluid from both of them, providing just the right amount of slick for the continued stroking. Slow stroking.

Xander made a move to thrust his hips up into their fists, but Spike brought his hand down onto Xander’s right hip and pushed him back into the mattress. And then that was how Spike continued to hold himself up. Cool palm pressed into Xander’s hipbone, causing a bruise that was going to be as black as the ones on his wrists just a week ago. Xander’s unoccupied hand wrapped around the one on his hip.

“Need to move,” Xander finally gasped out. “Let me move.” Spike ignored him. The vampire brought his head down and pressed their foreheads together. The world was filled with Spike’s eyes. It was too much. Too much sensation. Spike’s scar on Xander’s neck was on fire. Xander closed his eyes.

“Open your eyes,” the voice was so soft, but it wasn’t a request. Even so, Xander didn’t feel compelled to comply.

Then the smooth forehead that was resting against his own changed. It became sharp and bumpy and oddly warmer. Xander’s eyes shot open and were greeted by gold.

And the stroking remained slow. And good. And Xander needed to move. Wanted the hand covering his own to go faster. Wanted so bad to take back control, but the gold that was his world was telling him not to.

“What do you need, Xander?” He felt the cool breath against his lips, and he quivered despite the heat in the rest of his body.

“Need to move.”

“No. What else do you need?”

Xander licked his lips. Feeling the presence of the other set of lips so nea